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The deadly secret; Rudolph Carn finally faced it
The Charlotte Observer (www)
Charlotte, NC
07/09/2001
Source Website: http://www.charlotte.com
By GRACIE BONDS STAPLES
(c) 2001 COX NEWS SERVICE
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No one was to know. Ever.
If being openly gay meant certain rejection from those Rudolph Carn loved most; if it meant eternal damnation the way he'd always been taught in church, Carn would just as soon take his dark secret to hell with him than come out of the closet.
But Carn will tell you the secret can hurt all by itself. It will make you
drown your pain in a glass of rum and Coke. It will send you speeding out of control
on dark roads. It will entice you into bed with whoever is willing.
The secret hurt him.
"It bothered me so bad I started drinking. I wrecked three cars," he remembered recently. "I'd go out, get drunk and wallow in the pain."
Today, Carn feels nothing but pride about his racial heritage, and about his being gay. After years of living a secret life, he came to grips with his sexuality and now, as executive director of AIDS Education & Services for Minorities, is working to help other men do the same.
It is a daunting task. Many black gay and bisexual men learn early not to talk about their sexuality, not to seek care, get tested for HIV or tell each other if they test positive for the virus. Some are shamed into silence and so stay in marriages, putting their wives, children and male sex partners at risk.
Certain that negative attitudes toward gay people have worsened and prolonged the AIDS crisis in their community, Carn and other black leaders are pressing for more open dialogue on gay issues -- in historically black churches and through political, business and social organizations.
Without it, they say, such prejudices will continue to feed the disproportionate spread of the deadly disease among African-American men, further decimating a community that also suffers higher rates of heart disease, diabetes, certain cancers and other life-threatening diseases than white Americans.
"HIV and AIDS is going to make the black community deal with homosexuality," Carn said. "The time has come."
Rising infection rate.
At the end of the second decade of the AIDS epidemic, African-Americans are experiencing a steady rise in infections, particularly among men ages 23 to 29 who have sex with men.
What's puzzling to both health experts and activists is why, since the epidemic has slowed among white gay men during an era of increased tolerance and acceptance.
Since 1997, when Ellen DeGeneres came out both on television and in real life, about two dozen gay characters have made their way to prime-time TV shows, including the Emmy-winning "Will & Grace." None have generated the kind of political and societal hand-wringing that accompanied "Ellen."
Last week, the Presbyterian Church voted to remove a 23-year-old ban on ordaining gays and lesbians. The change, which still must be ratified by two-thirds of the church's regional jurisdictions, would make the Presbyterian Church the first mainline Protestant denomination to allow homosexual ministers.
Despite the progress, many believe lingering negative attitudes toward gay and bisexual men and their own guilt -- much of it stemming from religious beliefs -- are fueling the rise in HIV infection among young African-American gay men.
"It's pretty well-known that half of the cases of AIDS among African-American men have been among men who have sex with men," said Dr. John Peterson, psychology professor at Georgia State University, who is conducting a study of gay and bisexual men ages 15 to 25.
Peterson's research, based on interviews with 75 men in Atlanta and Chicago and published in the 1998 AIDS Education and Prevention journal, shows that black gay and bisexual men believe they face greater homophobia than whites. In addition, African-American men who have sex with men respond differently to homophobia than whites, Peterson said, basing his conclusions on a further study of 250 black gay and bisexual men in Atlanta.
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